i'm honestly a little embarrassed to be posting this but i want to get it off my chest and i'm too nervous to say it anywhere where my face is connected.
i'm somehow at my highest and lowest at the same time. this last semester has been the best i've done academically in years, but at the same time i haven't felt this depressed and lost in years. i often feel like my work isn't good enough and that i'll never find any jobs in my field and i should just give up and drop out, but at the same time art is the only career i'm truly interested in and good at, maybe my loss in passion is just depression talking but i honestly can't tell anymore. i don't know if my antidepressants decided to stop working during my second year or mcad just has that effect on me, but i feel utterly hopeless at times.
i'm thankful for the friends i've made here because i feel like i'm with people who are like me, but at the same time i feel like i haven't truly connected with anyone on a level where i feel comfortable reaching out and sending texts to friends unless i'm asking a question or i want to hang out. i feel so alone but also so appreciated and seen.
i don't know how to end this post besides saying thank you to the people who have made me felt seen and been so kind to me. even if i'm too shy to directly reach out, i appreciate you all the same.